CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE

1 – THE SPARK

I was in a deep burnout state when the Spark for Breathventure arrived. On some days, even a walk outside was a true achievement.One particular day, my big win was to sign up for an online container for creatives to finish a chosen project within 3 months. I actually didn't know what to create, or if I'd have the energy for it, but I simply followed a feeling to commit anyway. More than anything, I was looking for something that could lift me up from the mud. So I just made the payment.A sense of relief settled within me. And in a gentle daydream I found myself in subsequently, almost immediately, the Spark arrived. It came as questions.What would it look like if I merged my love for songwriting with my breathwork skills?Could I create a journey I can breathe AND sing to? Something short and fun?Maybe something like a poetic breathwork adventure?I recognised the felt sense of something that I had become estranged to for a good while: a gentle smirk on my face. Now I wondered.Could this adventure make somebody smile who hasn't in a while?Something opened up. And I followed that thread.Surprisingly, song lyrics started coming through in English, something that had never happened before. And those lyrics wanted to merge with my breathwork, something I had been guiding many people in, but mostly with a technical approach.Unbeknownst to me at the time, I had found a new direction: create a simple but fun experience that could help someone in a challenging place like I had found myself in. That someone, especially when nobody was around, could just press play, and go on an adventure guided by a fellow human. Someone who cares. And hopefully a ray of joy would brighten their being.On this mission, less focused on my predicament, simply following the Spark, I started to write down and record all ideas that came to me. I was experiencing momentum again. My energy was slowly being restored through something I can I only describe as the miracle of creative devotion. And so healing took care of itself...I love this version of the story.It reads like a beautiful little tale.And while this version is true, it leaves out all the juicy hardship in-between.The intensity of internal and external roadblocks worth sharing with you, because it ultimately relates to all of us who choose to create something meaningful.

2 – REX

As the initial wave of enthusiasm mellowed, the reality of what my vision would require became clear.Creating a professional song already requires proficiency in over a dozen disciplines, many of which I had no real training in. And my particular idea also required the breathwork to not only do its intended job on a technical level, but also dance perfectly with the musical journey. Otherwise it would just be pure confusion.That's when Rex showed up.This is CLEARLY beyond you.I had lived in pure possibility until this point.Don't be a fool. You don't have half of the skills needed. They require YEARS to master. Do you want to make garbage nobody listens to?It wasn't bad reasoning.Still, I felt an undeniable yes within me. So I started highly practical learning sprints, asked for feedback from people I knew, and invested in professional support.What are you doing? You're just barely recovering from burnout. You've been burning your savings. What you should be thinking about right now is making money, NOT art!My stomach clenched. I ran the numbers.Although it didn't look that bad yet, it was the logical thing to do.But what I knew was: It felt worse to abandon what had been lifting me up so beautifully. I felt so alive when I pursued it. And like mud when I didn't.So I spend my slowly increasing daily reservoir of energy following the Spark, and designated a careful budget to keep learning as well as looking for skill exchange with others. The first concrete concepts emerged. The lyrics, as I mentioned first time in english for me, started taking real shape.Are you serious? You're not an english native speaker. People will notice that something's OFF right away and loose interest.I didn't want to let that stop me. I was about to record the first rough demo.You've never even recorded anything in english before. What if people hear an accent?EMBARRASSING!I hadn't thought of that.And even worse, what about those singing parts? You only recorded your singing once before. It was bad! But suddenly you're a singer now? You have NO training whatsoever, ZERO technique. So you want to mix bad lyrics with bad accent AND bad singing? That's just asking to be RIDICULED!Uff.I had only written German rap until that point. A bit of Portuguese. But nothing ever in English. And not even one single singing lesson indeed. Was I being delusional?For the first time I felt wobbly in my endeavour.But knowing Rex intimately, I learned to take a breath, and pause when it hurts. I have to trust the language shift and impulse to sing if that is what is coming through, I thought. I'll just take a few singing lessons purely to sing my songs, nothing else, I thought. That must be doable, I thought.So I went ahead. I drafted song concepts with lyrics, and created countless rough recordings on my phone to prevent any perfectionism in the early stages.Rex kept talking, but I kept going.I kept making progress. Some days a lot. Some days not at all. But I was mostly moving forward. I had found a rhythm. And at some point, now from my buffet of twelve song options, I chose my three favourites to go fully in. This is it! I had even found a name: Breathventure.Eventually, the first song was done.Rex was eerily silent.I had momentum now.A bit later I already recorded the second song.With that one being well on the way, and the third song already conceptually fully thought through, I decided to start the release phase for the first single. I had enough time to finish song number three until after the second release. So submitted the first one to distribution platforms, merely waiting for the song to appear on streaming services.Then, I got the call.Friends of my mother. It was close to midnight.My mom is 75, widowed, and while having the intention to move to family soon, but still lives by herself in a different city without family around. I was terrified when I saw the name on my phone.

3 – The Call

I answered, prepared for the worst.All I understood: she's alive.Accident. Leg broken complicatedly in three places. Unclear if she would walk again. Potentially she'd have to move out of her cherished home which had no elevator and live in a care facility bound to a wheel chair for the rest of her life.Without any other family around, what suddenly followed for me were five months of coordinating the uncertain arc of her recovery in such a way that she had the best possible chance to walk again and keep her freedom.Hospital. First surgery. Disagreement between doctors. Best chance with very new approach. Two more surgeries. Slow recovery. Threat to be thrown out of the hospital because of that. Healthcare system failures. Finding another clinic. Doctor appointments in between. Special transportation vehicles. Problems with intense pain medication. Overwhelming decisions under time pressure. One more clinic. And, beyond the hope that every doctor was at their very best, the constant worry that I might disrupt my mom's chance to walk again by somehow making a mistake.Almost six months of struggle to focus on anything other than my mom's health while I was barely holding on to mine and trying to keep things afloat.Your mom needs you now more than ever. How can you even think about making music right now? Go the extra mile, be a good son.You should visit her longer. You should research more how to support her after the clinic at home. You can't be creative under these circumstances anyway. Be responsible.I went the extra mile. I was responsible.Two of my mom's dear friends helped with regular visits, and my brother who lives far away called as much as he could.Finally, she made it home. And despite another six months to a year of predicted recovery we all could take a deep breath: she will be fine.With daily professional care at home in place and friends visiting, I allowed myself to return to Berlin for a longer period and fully focus on my things.Right when the worst was over, right when I could finally rest assured that I had done the best I could and seeing my mom on her two legs instead of a wheel chair, right when my mind was ready to fully return at full speed to my own life, my body shut down.Again.I knew this state. I could feel it in my bones.
Either you fully rest now, or you'll burn out soon.I was right back to where it all started.

4 – Breaking

How many more months? And you did NOT finish this joke of an idea? I told you. This is beyond you.You're making a HUGE mistake so many do: trying to keep going because you already put a lot of time and effort into it. Listen: Quitting now is a smart move, not a dumb one.A year had passed since the Spark.Barely feeling it, I just kept going. Prudent with my health.I kept learning. Kept recovering. Little by little.Countless hours just by myself, barely anybody witnessing my progress. Especially in the late night hours, Rex was my only companion.Why are you putting so much work into this? AI is making full songs in seconds now. Millions of streams. NOBODY will care about your little idea.By the way, there's a REASON you haven't heard artists making this weird blend of breathwork with singing, rap, story, and whatever else you thought you can smash together like a bad cook.I kept crawling.The third and last track was by far the most difficult to pull off. Now distanced from the original momentum, I got lost in the complexity and created something that was too long and not fitting the vision anymore. I was struggling deeply.Who do you think you are to try something like this and have it actually be working? Remember what I told a year ago? You DON'T have what it takes to bring this joke to life.You were right by thinking this is unique. It's a unique mess. And you've LOST yourself in this project so deeply that nobody can help you. You're alone in this. But you know what, nobody even knows you out there anyway. NO ONE will miss that you didn't release this.And just to make it clear: IF you could you would have already finished this. But you can't. If you were a REAL artist the right things to do would have occurred to you. But you're not a real artist, you're a fraud.What made you think you could make music in the first place? You have hearing loss. Worse even, it is asymmetrical. And it is inherited from your motherline. That is DESTINY. You can lie to yourself how much you want, but you were never meant for this. Stop resisting. LET IT GO.Still, right now as I'm writing this, I have tears in my eyes.I felt so lost at that point that my confidence that I could discern between right and wrong crumbled. I slowly started letting it all in, and the brutality of Rex' words hit me deeply. He had full insight into all of my vulnerabilities. And used it for precise attacks aimed at old wounds I thought I had already fully overcome.I'm not good enoughI'm aloneI'm unworthyI'm brokenThe pain reverberated in my whole body.I wasn't sure at all why I was doing all of this anymore.Helping my mom, that was immediate. And tangible. Serving clients and make money. Immediate. Tangible. But this uncertain music thing I barely had the skills for?It was time to recover my health again, support my mom, and simply make money.Maybe Rex had been right all along.It wasn't meant to be.

5 – Remembrance

It was a simple moment at home.Outside I could see nothing but a huge, grey sky. Crumbled on my dear old sofa, I felt the numb weight of a depleted body and the rugged grief of a crushed dream.Deep in the mud.From somewhere, suddenly, I felt a gentle nudge. Like a tiny tickle from within me moving through thick layers of dull matter. It was a question.What if you put aside the role you took on to create this music, and for a moment just enjoy it like someone who's hearing it for the very first time?I had listened to every second of every song hundreds of times. Analysing and adjusting frequencies at a micro-level for a long long time.Especially for the first song which had been done and waiting for a while, 'Symbol Of My Joy'. I had forgotten how it sounded – in its essence.Joy?Hm.I'm too sad for happy shit, I thought.The irony didn't escape me.But as curiosity nudged me again, I went for it and and tried to listen to it like it was my first time... Like somebody had made this for me.And suddenly, I remembered the beginning.How it felt when the Spark arrived. How following it felt Life-giving and gently pulled me out of depression. And how, maybe, just maybe, this music could help another human being be lifted up in a moment of need. And maybe, just maybe, it could bring joy to another human who could use exactly that.I realised what I was living through. A last wave of resistance shortly before the breakthrough. Rex at his best.It all felt so terrible because this music meant so much to me. Something so particular, so peculiar, but filled with so much care that I could not ever give up on it to see the light of day for others to experience. I knew I was making it for somebody out there who would find a spark of joy in a moment of need.That's how I chose to see it.And it reignited the flame.It was like I had cast a spell without words but with such power that reality bent in my favour.A synchronicity lead to a new mentor and community that brought focus into my work. Other trusted companions helped me out at the right time in the right way which I didn't expect. I made the one essential decision about the challenging third song. It felt clean. It felt right. And from there, finally, I knew that I would make it.Music. Visuals. Website. Socials. All from this one little Spark.It took so much longer than I expected.Not three months like I thought at first.It took 1,5 years.And honestly, I don't feel shame about this.It was my personal, creative initiation.I own it.-So, here I am.About to have the moment I wasn't sure I'd ever get to share with you.My dear fellow adventurer,this music is my offering to you.Don't mind that my hands are shacking. Or the tears. Don't even mind these words too much. I'm just happy you're here with me.Anything I could convey to you is in this work already.Not just in the words.In every instrument taking its proper place in the arrangement.
In every breath you hear me breathing in the background.
In every layer woven into the tracks you can barely hear, but certainly feel.Even in every vocal take that didn't make it to the final songs. Especially the ones that captured my voice trembling from emotion because being with you through this music means so much to me.The imperfections in my singing.
The rhythms and images in my rap.
The joy in my laughter that ended up in the recording.
The prolonged silence at the end of each track.Especially the silence.It is all in there, my friend.I am empty now.Finally.I did what I was meant to do.
I am a changed human through it.And I can truly say:
I am proud of myself.Thank you for witnessing me.I love you,Filipe

Post Scriptum

PS: If you feel called to, please share this project with someone who might need it. Or, someone who simply might enjoy it. Thank you!PPS: This music can be played freely so that anyone can have access to it. If you enjoyed it, and have the means for it, please consider being a patron for consciously created art by buying BREATHVENTURE on Bandcamp. It is one of the few direct pathways to show appreciation to artists so that they can keep going. It makes a bigger difference than you might think. Beyond the financial. Thank you so much!